Addiction

Friday, September 28, 2012

It's hard to explain addiction to people that don't experience it.  I am an addict.  I have struggled with it most of my life and I will continue to struggle with it until the day I leave this earth.  It's not something that consumes me every day but it's there and when it shows its ugly head it's devastating.

It's hard to describe.  It disappears for days or weeks and then something will trigger it and it takes over you...the incredible urge to do what you know is wrong.  During those moments, you're almost out of yourself and all you want to do is give in to it.  The strength and intensity of the urge is something indescribable.  It takes over.  And many times when it comes, you can't stop it.  You convince yourself that it's OK and give yourself the permission to give in.  From that moment on, you're on a train that has no brakes.  You dive deep into your addiction and revel in the sin of it and the pure joy (or high) it give you.  But inevitably a few hours or  even days later you wake up and feel disappointed and depleted.  And you have to pull yourself together and start again.

You've probably guessed what I'm talking about.  The addiction is not drugs or alcohol.  It's food.  I hate to even put that label on it because it diminishes its strength.  Even though its process and result can be very different than those other addictions, it can be just as sad and painful and ultimately for some people destructive.  

Sometimes I feel so healthy and in control and I walk around thinking that I've overcome it.  That finally now that I'm older, healthier, in better shape, I'm not susceptible to it.  But then it comes back one day and reminds me that I'll never be totally free of it.  But with every good decision I make and every day that goes by filled with those small good decisions, I chip away at its power.

  



Grateful

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

So my first days of work were great.  Very busy but great.  And I still made it to my son's back to school visit and did most of my mommy stuff.  Not all but hey I'm not superman!

Something I've been thinking about a lot is gratitude.  With all the busy-ness and stress we encounter and all the positive and negative that is thrown at us and we throw out, it's so important to take a minute and breath and be grateful.

But it seems to me that it's easy to feel grateful for the good things in your life.  What is difficult and more important is to feel gratitude for the difficult and sometimes even nasty things.

For example, someone is cold to you or even downright mean.  Although not pleasant, I think there is something in his or her behavior that merits gratitude (you know I'm talking about a her!).  She teaches you (or more likely reminds you) that it is OK to not be liked by everyone (oh the horror of not being liked!!).  Also, you're more grateful for the people that do adore you (the smart ones!) and learn not to take them for granted.  It's good practice for forgiving people (if you can do it, God bless you...I have a hard time with forgiveness) and not letting negative energy penetrate your day (I wish I had a magic power that helped with this but alas no such luck...I have to use a lot of jedi mind tricks and even those don't work that well).

So be thankful for the occasional meanie that crosses your path because they just making you stronger and more grateful.

First Day

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

It's the first day of school for my kids and my first day back at work (part time) in nearly four years.  I'm  doing a short fill in for a friend and colleague that's on maternity leave.

I've been so nervous about this day.  My baby started elementary school today.  My heart went with him on the bus this morning along with my older son so makes me so proud every day.  It was hard to see them leave for school.  They're growing up so fast.  I've loved having them around the whole summer and now the house feels so empty.  Don't get me wrong, I love the silence but I still miss their voices around the house.

And now I have to get myself together and get to the hundreds of things that are on my to do list including "go to work!"  Ahhhh!  I was trying on outfits last night and realized I don't know what people wear to work anymore.  Some of my choices seemed more fit for a cocktail party than work.  And others seemed way to casual.  It is summer after all and super hot but are nice tank tops OK for work?  I think I'll skip those.  I'm going for a uniform of sorts.  Straight cut black pants and a nice short sleeved shirt.  Nothing fancy but still flattering.  Comfortable but not frumpy.

OK.  My heart is pounding a mile a minute.  Here I go!

Hope you're "first days" are going well.

Awesome marriage proposal!

Saturday, May 26, 2012


This is the cutest thing ever!  I watched it twice and cried each time.  I'm such a sap but it's just so fun and sweet.  I love LOVE...I wish it for everyone.  :)






Life with kids is just funny

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The other day we were at soccer practice for my 5 year old and as they were doing roll call, he got up to adjust his shorts and said almost to himself "sometimes my clothes get stuck in my private parts."  Suddenly there was silence.  I think all anyone heard was "my private parts."  The coach said "what?"  He repeated much louder this time "SOMETIMES MY CLOTHES GET STUCK IN MY PRIVATE PARTS!!"  I was mortified and thought it was hilarious at the same time.  The adults around the kids were trying to hold back their laughter but also kind of embarrassment for me and him.  My husband was far away so he didn't hear.  When I told him he almost fell over laughing.  Life is funny!

Forgiveness

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Forgive yourself for not being perfect.  That's one of the things I need to do a better job of...forgiveness.  I try so hard to be a good wife, mother, friend, daughter and sister.  But sometimes I fall short of where I want to be and it's so hard not beating myself up about it.

Wishing you had done things differently is not the answer.  Recognize where you failed, forgive yourself for your short comings and try to do better next time.

A mantra I need to remember.  :)

Girl friends forever

Monday, April 30, 2012

This is hard to admit but some days I feel really sad that I don't have one best girl friend that I can call at any time for any thing, who I can trust completely and whom I love and loves me.  Someone that is totally loyal to me and me to her and we know that our friendship is something stronger than any bond.  Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful girl friends.  Probably more than I've ever had in my life.  I feel so luck to be surrounded by such warm, smart and just plain lovely women.  And each of them fill most of that role and hopefully I fill some of that role for them.

But it's not the same as having one best friend.  I always loved having a great confidant.  Ever since I was a little girl I always yearned for that.  It could be that I don't have a sister and always wanted that relationship.  It could be that I'm from a culture where female friendship is a cornerstone of life.

During high school, I had friends that were like sisters (I went to an all girl catholic boarding school) and our friendships were so strong and deep because we essentially grew up together.  We're still so close today and make great sacrifices to see each other as often as possible.  During college, I had one best friend all four years.  We were not only great friends but also roommates for four years.  I always knew that no matter what happened she was there for me and I for her, like sisters...total love and loyalty.

Now that role is filled by my husband.  He's my best friend.  And even though I pinch myself thinking about how lucky I got to find such an amazing man to share my life with, I still yearn sometimes to just pick up a phone and call that one girl that knows me completely and can commiserate about all the silly girl things that I worry about, complain about and want to laugh about.

Best job by far!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I'm a total sucker for these kinds of videos.  I cry every time!  I agree completely with the tag line of this piece...being a mom is the hardest (if you do it right or at least try to do it right!) and the best job in the world.  I feel so lucky that I get a chance to be a mom.  The happiest moments of my life are the ones with my children and husband.  Nothing better.  :)



We know it, but just to believe it!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I love this.  What a great mantra to remember.  When friends are going through hard times, I usually pull a few of these out. I just wish I could really believe it all, especially for myself.  People always say how up beat and happy I am.   I'm not sure if it's a mask I wear or if that's really me.  I know that happiness is something I yearn for and chose to bring into my life.  But man, it's not easy keeping all the bad stuff away.  All the doubts, the fears, the insecurities, the feeling-sorry-for-yourselfs.  When they creep in I give myself a few minutes (or hours) to wallow and then I get up and shake it off and remind myself that life is short and I need to breath every healthy breath I can and love every second I have on this great earth.  

Anyway, enjoy this awesome list!



Sugar: 48 great reasons to limit it!

Monday, April 23, 2012

I'm so far from perfect when it comes to healthy eating but soda is not one of my vices.  In fact, I've never really understood why anyone would drink so many empty calories but even I took a second look at this picture.  Wow, 22 packs of sugar.  And that's on top of the chemicals that goes into the sodas out there.  But this is just one of the things that contributes to our love affair with sugar.  There are so many things that tempt us (and by us I mean me!) every day that have a lot or a little sugar.  Well, I found a great list that should help motivate me not to take that extra bite...







This list is a great reminder why sugar is toxic.  It's not realistic to totally eliminate it but such great reasons to limit it as much as we can (for ourselves and for our kids)!!  



  1. Sugar can suppress the immune system.
  2. Sugar can upset the body's mineral balance.
  3. Sugar can contribute to hyperactivity, anxiety, depression, concentration difficulties, and crankiness in children.
  4. Sugar can produce a significant rise intriglycerides.
  5. Sugar can cause drowsiness and decreased activity in children.
  6. Sugar can reduce helpful high density cholesterol (HDLs).
  7. Sugar can promote an elevation of harmful cholesterol (LDLs).
  8. Sugar can cause hypoglycemia.
  9. Sugar contributes to a weakened defense against bacterial infection.
  10. Sugar can cause kidney damage.
  11. Sugar can increase the risk of coronary heart disease.
  12. Sugar may lead to chromium deficiency.
  13. Sugar can cause copper deficiency.
  14. Sugar interferes with absorption of calcium and magnesium.
  15. Sugar can increase fasting levels of blood glucose.
  16. Sugar can promote tooth decay.
  17. Sugar can produce an acidic stomach.
  18. Sugar can raise adrenaline levels in children.
  19. Sugar can lead to periodontal disease.
  20. Sugar can speed the aging process, causing wrinkles and grey hair.
  21. Sugar can increase total cholesterol.
  22. Sugar can contribute to weight gain and obesity.
  23. High intake of sugar increases the risk of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis.
  24. Sugar can contribute to diabetes.
  25. Sugar can contribute to osteoporosis.
  26. Sugar can cause a decrease in insulin sensitivity.
  27. Sugar leads to decreased glucose tolerance.
  28. Sugar can cause cardiovascular disease.
  29. Sugar can increase systolic blood pressure.
  30. Sugar causes food allergies.
  31. Sugar can cause free radical formation in the bloodstream.
  32. Sugar can cause toxemia during pregnancy.
  33. Sugar can contribute to eczema in children.
  34. Sugar can overstress the pancreas, causing damage.
  35. Sugar can cause atherosclerosis.
  36. Sugar can compromise the lining of the capillaries.
  37. Sugar can cause liver cells to divide, increasing the size of the liver.
  38. Sugar can increase the amount of fat in the liver.
  39. Sugar can increase kidney size and produce pathological changes in the kidney.
  40. Sugar can cause depression.
  41. Sugar can increase the body's fluid retention.
  42. Sugar can cause hormonal imbalance.
  43. Sugar can cause hypertension.
  44. Sugar can cause headaches, including migraines.
  45. Sugar can cause an increase in delta, alpha and theta brain waves, which can alter the mind's ability to think clearly.
  46. Sugar can increase blood platelet adhesiveness which increases risk of blood clots and strokes.
  47. Sugar can increase insulin responses in those consuming high-sugar diets compared to low sugar diets.
  48. Sugar increases bacterial fermentation in the colon.


50 people you wish you knew...

Friday, April 20, 2012

This list of 50 people you wish you knew has been circulating and a few of them are really funny.  There are bunch of them that actually scare me more than making me wish I knew them but a few that I would LOVE to know.  Check it out!


My favorite is #2, the person who threw this party so I can ask them to plan my next soiree!










Happy Wife, Happy Life!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Isn't it the truth?  When mommy is happy, everyone in the house is happy.  :)

Making the Happy Choice

I love this.   I always remind myself that happiness is a choice.  It's not always an easy choice, in fact, it can be very hard making that choice during our complex and at times turbulent lives but I totally agree with this...it's good for your health!

An awkward teenager

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

No matter how old I get and how many great friends I have, I sometimes still feel like an awkward teenager when I'm with a group of women I don't know.

Today when I was picking up my little one, I was standing there while a few moms were talking and joking with each other.  They talked about their plans together for that afternoon and looked at each other and laughed out loud.  And there I was just standing there like a big dork not talking to anyone and no one really talking to me.

For a few seconds I felt self conscious and sad but then I realize that I was being silly.

There are many days when I'm the mom talking to my friends at pick up, laughing and joking.  And then I realized that on those days maybe there's a mom there that doesn't know us that is silently listening and feeling kind of awkward and left out, like I felt today.

It's then that I remind myself to make sure I look and smile at that mom next time so she knows that she's included and welcome even if she's not included in our little friend circle.

New name, new chapter!

I'm excited to jump back into blogging.  I have tons of ideas about what I want from this new chapter in my blogging life.  Stay tuned!